‘You pay rent, so it is your space’: Careless parents let baby nephew make a mess in adult daughter’s room while she’s away

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 21, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

I wouldn't call myself a neat freak, but I do like my space the way I like it. I always put my clothes away if they're out, and I need my items to be in a specific place before I can rest. If someone stays over at my place, I welcome them as a friend, but I do get a little agitated about things being out of order. I wish I wasn't that way, but I am. Some of us can't help it. 

But issues sometimes arise when people like me come into contact with those who don't give a hoot one way or another. Plenty of people just don't register when things are out of place, or a little messy, so it's inconceivable to them that I would be miffed by it. In this recent Reddit story, though, a more than slightly messy line was definitely crossed. I don't know how I would react in this situation. 

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  • 01
    020 r/AmltheAsshole u/More-Bowl2268. 1d AITA for causing a family rift over my nieces/nephews sleeping in my bed?
    via u/More-Bowl2268
  • 02
    Hello, I usually lurk on this subreddit. I (f22) live with my parents. I'm the youngest sibling and all my other siblings have moved out a while ago, so it's just me and my parents. I buy all my own food and I do my fair share of housework, and I pay rent.
    via u/More-Bowl2268
  • 03
    Back in October, I went on a 3 day trip with some of my friends. When I came home, my bed had food stains and crumbs in it, and lots of my belongings were moved around or on the floor. My parents explained that they had my nephew (age 4) sleep in my room while I was gone.
    via u/More-Bowl2268
  • 04
    I explained that I don't mind my nieces or nephews sleeping in my bed when I'm not home but that I don't appreciate coming home to my room being a mess and my bed being dirty. I tried to be as calm as possible but I think it was pretty obvious I was irritated. My parents told me to lighten up and that I am overreacting, and that it's just my baby nephew.
    via u/More-Bowl2268
  • 05
    Last month, I went on a weekend trip for my coworker's bachelorette party and once again, I came home to my room being messy, and I even found not one but two very chewed up pacifers in my bed and more old food. I was very annoyed and I told my parents that I'm really not ok with this, and that I wished they'd at least wash my bed sheets after the kids had been in my bed.
    via u/More-Bowl2268
  • 06
    They once again say I'm overreacting, they called me a control freak and a neat freak. They even got my sisters involved and said I'm being a baby about my niblings using my bed when I'm not even home. No one in my family is on my side and they think I'm being childish.
    via u/More-Bowl2268
  • 07
    This escalated when my sister (f31) called me to talk about the situation. She lectured me and said that it's my parents' house and they can use the space how they like, and she said I'm acting like a spoiled brat, and that if I was her child, she'd kick me out of the house. I fired back at her and asked what on earth I'm paying rent for then if not for my space.
    via u/More-Bowl2268
  • 08
    NTA . FacetiousTomato • 1d Partassipant [3] You pay rent, so it is your space whether you're home or not. If they want to use your bed, they should as first. You can say yes, if they clean up after themselves and wash the bedding, or you can say no. You could even say you're going to put a lock on your door. "I pay However - when people say rent" sometimes they mean they pay a token amount, like $100/ month. If this is you, your parents might turn around and say that if you're going to bring the
    via u/FacetiousTomato
  • 09
    More-Bowl2268 OP. 1d I'm outside the USA but just for the record with the amount I'm paying my parents I could rent a room in a shared apartment/house, it's definitely not a token amount.
    via u/More-Bowl2268
  • 10
    FacetiousTomato • 1d Partassipant [3] off Then in your situation I would be enough to make sure it isn't going to happen again. Whether that is with words, locks, or moving out. Honestly the solution could be as simple as them just promising to wash your sheets after, and an apology.
    via u/FacetiousTomato
  • 11
    toxicredox. 1d Certified Proctologist [27] NTA. Ask your parents why they don't let the niblings stay in and eat food in thier bed, if it's really 'not such a big deal'? OP, sounds like you're going to have to strip your bed before every overnight trip from now on. If your parents think leaving your sheets dirty and food in your bed is "no big deal", then don't trust them with your sheets. Maybe it's high time you start leaving food bits on the couch, and if your parents protest, tell them you'r
    via u/toxicredox
  • 12
    Cyberzombi • 1d Aficionado [14] INFO what's stopping you from moving out? Would a studio/ efficiency apt. be affordable?
    via u/Cyberzombi
  • 13
    More-Bowl 2268 OP • 1d Nothing in particular has stopped me from moving out, I just haven't. I usually get along with my parents and enjoyed living with them as an adult. I'm single and don't spend a ton of time at home as I'm usually working or going out so I guess I haven't had a driving factor to make me want to leave. Don't get me wrong, this situation has had me thinking about moving out and I could afford to.
    via u/More-Bowl2268
  • 14
    makethatnoise • 1d Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] ΝΤΑ not only are you paying rent, but it's a reasonable expectation to not have someone sleeping in your bed, or being in your room, without letting you know. the list of "what it's?" that a 4 year old could get into of a 22 year olds is unsafe AF
    via u/makethatnoise
  • 15
    Immontes. 1d Pooperintendant [68] NTA. You are paying rent and deserve to be asked...and at the very least, come home to clean bed sheets.
    via u/Immontes
  • 16
    SomeNibba • 1d ΝΤΑ I'd like to know what your sister's reaction was after you said that. So I'm assuming that those kids were your Sister (f31)'s??? Tell her if she's gonna be a and let her kids run wild in your room WHICH you pay rent on, then she can pay your rent and they can do whatever they want, not your fault she's an irresponsible mother. Also tell your parents that you don't pay rent for nothing. The best thing you can do is move out, i know it's easier said than done, but you should at
    via u/SomeNibba
  • 17
    Ariesinnc3017 • 1d Certified Proctologist [21] NTA. Time to look for new living arrangements. Actions speak louder than words. Their action say that they need your room for the grandkids!
    via u/Ariesinnc3017
  • 18
    pulchra_lunae. 1d Enthusiast [6] Nooooooooooooooot the a h. You aren't mad about the family using your bed. You complaining about stains, paci's and FOOD BEING LEFT IN IT. For 24-48 hours?!?!?!? Holy jebus. That's just .... wrong. NTA.
    via u/pulchra_lunae

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family drama cleaning arguments clean entitled parents clean up drama reddit story rent argument family reddit thread Reddit parents Parenting FAILS apartment
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